Throughout history, men have dominated society. The inherently patriarchal world has consistently been there to prop them up no matter how heartlessly they have treated those identifying as women. Very generally speaking, there was once a time when men did not think women were capable of ever learning to read, let alone work as medical professionals, artists, teachers, or designers.
In Britain, it was not until 1882 that married women were entitled to their own property and money. It was not until 1928 that all women were entitled to vote. It was not until 1970 that the Equal Pay Act was introduced. And it was not until 1991 that rape in marriage was made a crime. Although these rights were introduced disgustingly late in the UK, lots of women are still not entitled to these rights in many parts of the world today. When people say things like “those bloody feminists need to chill out”, it’s no wonder that the said feminists are left feeling sick with irritation and frustration to the point of feeling lost for words. Which is why this piece of writing may just be regarded as the tip of the iceberg.
There is nothing refreshing about a white middle class man shouting down marginalised groups. He thinks speaking his mind about his views on gender identity, for example, does him credit as “someone who speaks his mind”, when actually he is just adding himself to the long, long list of unkind prejudiced men who, throughout centuries, have oppressed and hurt so many members of society with their intolerance towards others; marginalising people for their sex, sexuality, identity, gender. The tendency to arrogantly declare that they “don’t understand” certain people- therefore concluding that these certain people shouldn’t be validated- is a major problem. He should be completely ashamed of himself. He is not helping the development of this world. Instead, he is turning the clocks backwards and encouraging a toxic intolerance towards vulnerable groups. He is completely pathetic.
An example of such a man indulging in this narrow-minded way of ‘challenging’ cultural development and a kinder, more accepting society would be Piers Morgan, regarding his mocking and disrespectful rant about transgender and non-binary people on GMB. It was embarrassing to watch.
The Evolution of Lad humour to Dad humour:
Blokey jokes and lad banter are swollen with self-flattery and an overwhelming sense of obliviousness. The joke is on them because they’ve no idea how cringe-worthy they are. In night-life culture and the workplace -just two examples- there always seems to have been this notion that women aren’t as funny as men, or that they don’t quite ‘get’ laddish men-jokes. They lack the experience of your ‘Every-man’ and do not possess the dignified pride of concealing one’s emotions, a key sign of the alpha male, upon which those prideful fierce lions of roaring masculinity find their common ground.
Because young women especially are generally seen as being soft and gentle, particularly within the workplace, there is the suggestion put forward by the lions of roaring masculinity that they are more sensitive and therefore, somehow, do not understand the lad banter that brims with inside jokes and tales of the “messy one down the pub”.
I would like to suggest something new here, which might just come as something of a shock to all those blokes, ‘ladz’ and ‘boyos’ out there who find themselves hopelessly amusing. This suggestion may confuse and disorientate those alpha peacock nobs…
Perhaps you just aren’t that funny.
I cannot count the amount of times, especially in the workplace, where I have had no choice but to roll my eyes at the unfunny, arrogant teasing and jokes men have droned on with. It varies from my first job in a takeaway shop to my first professional graduate job in an office environment.
I have often heard men, of varied age groups, playfully and seriously (on different occasions) complain about feminism, saying things like “Feminazi” and “I don’t like it when they’re in ya face about it”.
What they do not understand, however, is that being a woman comes with many everyday challenges, challenges the alpha peacock nobs simply do not see. For example, dealing with the constant flow of sexual harassment that presents itself in many forms to just one woman on a daily basis. It varies as you get older, and you realise that you can relate to other women, including trans women, on the grounds that you have each been at the receiving end of sexual harassment and assault, albeit to different extents.
Here are some examples of the sort of average everyday harassment you deal with on a regular basis when you are a woman, and a few extra details on how I personally react to them as an individual young woman, appreciating that many people will have their own personal experiences of these and their own ways of dealing with them:
· Being told to smile in the streets or supermarkets by some random bloke. In my head I think “fuck off, you wouldn’t say that to a big hairy man”, but in that moment, depending on how dangerous the man looks and what time of day it is, my reaction varies from ACTUALLY SMILING like a seal clapping for an audience, to giving them a stern stare. It makes me feel small either way.
· Being groped on a night out. In this situation, I am usually having a few drinks, dressed to impress (myself) and feeling sociable. Once the groping starts though, all of that is ruined and I start fearing men in general and am eager to return home. Why do I never report it? Because as a young woman, growing up in western society, it unfortunately becomes the norm and you become conditioned to ‘deal with it’.
· Being cat-called and wolf-whistled on the commute from work in broad day light. I once tried to stand up for myself in this situation by giving them the middle finger (pathetic, I know- but I wasn’t feeling very inspired) and in return, was screamed at and called a “fucking bitch”. These were seven older men in work uniform.
· Beeping of the truck, lorry, van or car horn. This was my first known experience of harassment, which happened when I was a young teenager. I didn’t know what to make of it, other than that I started to feel self-conscious and vulnerable and understandably untrusting in any man that I didn’t personally know, as it happened so often since that first time
· Being called pet names in an inappropriate context. I have been called “darling”, “love”, “girly”, “sweetheart”, “young lady”, “beautiful” all within the context of the workplace. This is an inappropriate context. I have also been called these names by strangers within the context of standing in the queue of a corner shop late at night. This is also an inappropriate context.
In summary, I would like to stress that cis men simply will not fully understand. I am not suggesting that they will refuse to understand, or that they will all mockingly insist they don’t ‘get it’ again. Some of them might fight hard to understand, but on the whole, they won’t ever completely know how it feels, from the perspective of a woman in our society, to be cat-called by a bloke, patronized at work, talked over on a night out. Up and down the country, right now, thousands of women are being talked over by some boring, arrogant, droning blokes who think they have something more interesting or amusing to say.
What links lad humour and dad humour is that they are both fairly basic, predictable lines of jokes, nodding to masculine behaviour and the view that women just aren’t going to be able to join in as well as men.
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